Season 3
Episode 3x01 "Out of the Shadows"
Kirsten: “You’re cute when you’re worried about me.”Cameron: “Then I must be cute all the time.”
Detective Fisher: “I promise I won’t break anymore of your guards.”
Kirsten: “Please tell me you’re not cooking.”
Cameron :“Yeah. Crepes. You want?”
Kirsten: “I thought you guys were in trouble. It’s like a country club.”
Maggie: “We’re being reassigned, not waterboarded.”
Camille: “Touch me again and I’ll rip out your ribcage and wear it as a vest.”
Kirsten: “How long would you have waited for me when I was trapped in my memory?”
Cameron: “Forever.”
Kirsten: “Everything makes sense when I’m with you.”
Tim: “Who is the skirt?”
Ivy: “Who is the ape?”
Season 2
Episode 2x01 "2.0"
Camille: “She's always only ever been, you know. How do I even say it without sounding mean?” (talking about Kirsten)Linus: “Emotionally reserved? Um, emotionally inaccessible.”
Camille: “Bitchy.”
Captain Stamperson: “Does she have to eat his brain?”
Maggie: “What? No. She's not a zombie. This is science.”
Cameron: “Well, some people will do anything to avoid having a beer with a friend.”
Detective Fisher: “I didn't know we were friends.”
Cameron: “Oh, shut up. We all know you're crazy about me.”
Linus: “Hey, but seriously. Did you get a badge too? How do I get one?”
Kirsten: “You know, I think you have to get arrested first.”
Linus: “I could so do that!”
Cameron: “Habanero potato chip?”
Kirsten: “No, thank you.”
Cameron: “You don’t do spicy?”
Kirsten: “I don’t do dead people’s food.”
Kirsten: “Wow. Check out the testicles on Cameron 2.0.”
Cameron: “Thank you.”
Leslie: “Saving the world is a messy business. People get hurt. Some get killed. How many people are you willing to kill to save six billion?”
Episode 2x02 “Hack Me If You Can”
Ellie/Linda: “Do you and Cameron have a ship name yet?”Cameron: “What does that mean?”
Kirsten: “He actually looks like an ape playing piano.”
Cameron: “Yeah. Come on, old man. At the rate you’re trying to log into the LAPD system even I could hack in faster.”
Detective Fisher: “Maybe, but then I’d have to shoot you.”
Lucy Woods: “I’m not a hacker. I can’t even figure out how to disable Candy Crush requests from my grandma. I print cat photos on t-shirts in a mall kiosk. That was Derek’s world, it wasn’t mine.”
Cameron: “What mall?”
Maggie: “Yes, men are such babies when they are sick or shot.”
Linus: “All I’m saying is that Ellie is a hacking ninja and that you and Kirsten could learn a few things from her.”
Camille: “She’s a murderous psycho who, if I’m remembering this correctly, just tried to kill you.”
Detective Fisher: “Maybe you should just stick to the brain stuff.”
Camille: “Maybe you should stick to being a Neanderthal.”
Episode 2x03 “The One That Got Away”
Theo: “You can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can’t take the trash out of the …”
Camille: “What is wrong with you?!”
Detective Powell: “NSA recruits out of high school?”
Cameron: “LAPD recruits out of Betty Ford?”
Cameron: “I’ve been reading how serial killers work.”
Camille: “That’s a scary thing to have on your search history.”
Cameron: “I’ll clear it later.”
Linus: “He just showed up at my door.”
Camille: “You should have locked it. You didn’t feed him, did you?”
Linus: “We ordered in.”
Camille: “Oh, so nobody taught you never to feed a stray.”
Linus: “He’s your brother.”
Episode 2x04 “The Two Deaths of Jamie B”
Linus: “Look, I love both of you guys. I just don’t see it happening. You greased the wheels with wine, you shared a pizza, you were face to face …”Cameron: “And you ruined the moment!”
Linus: “If the moment was meant to happen, an Indian guy in his boxers wouldn’t be able to ruin it.”
Camille: “Theo stole your stuff? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Linus: “Because it’s no big deal.”
Camille: “Linus, no big deal is losing a sock in the dryer. Not having your smart dryer stole by my dumb brother.”
Linus: “Why are you yelling at me? I’m the victim here.”
Detective Fisher: “So, I never actually figured out what you do here.”
Camille: “Well, initially I was recruited to spy on Kirsten, but that mission’s been aborted obviously. So now I stand here and hold this tablet computer.”
Detective Fisher: “That’s it?”
Camille: “No, no. Sometimes I stand over there and occasionally save everyone’s life.”
Theo: “Su casa es mi casa, right?”
Camille: “No, no. Mi casa es su casa.”
Theo: “Who does she think she is? Giving me orders?”
Camille: “Yeah, who do I think I am? I think I’m NSA b*tch.”
Kirsten: “Cameron, I don’t think it’s fair of me to make you wait.”
Cameron: “Are you saying there’s no reason for me to wait?”
Episode 2x05 “Midnight Stitchers”
Cameron: “Remember when I died for you? Well, I’m willing to do that again except this time you won’t be able to bring me back.”Liam: “It probably sounds pathetic, but I miss Kirsten. I miss how easy it was to be with her.”
Camille: “Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. You mean you miss being with a woman who made absolutely zero demands of you, you selfish English prick?”
Maggie: “This is not the ‘Help Kirsten Clark Find Her Daddy Show.’”
Camille: “Fine, but if your brain goes kablooey don’t come crying to me.”
Cameron: “Oh thank god. I thought you meant ‘hobbit feet’ as in hairy.”
Kirsten: “Yeah, you’ve seen my feet. Did they suddenly sprout?”
Episode 2x06 “The Dying Shame”
Maggie: “Fisher, we don’t work that way.”
Detective Fisher: “What? No. Sometimes a cop rolls up his sleeves cause he wants his sleeves rolled up.”
Liam: “Comfort leads to complacency, which leads to stagnation, which leads to death.”
Camille: “What are you, a nihilistic greeting card?”
Maggie: “The Chinese will be here in less than 20 hours and you let our best lead handcuff you to a bike rack and escape?”
Detective Fisher: “Thank you, Maggie, for that additional emasculation.”
Maggie: “You got some last night, didn't you?”
Cameron: “A gentleman does not disclose such information. That being said, your CIA skills have not failed you.”
Episode 2x07 “Pretty Little Lawyers”:
Camille: “If you do not stop answering my questions with a question, I promise I will hack you and sext every judge in Los Angeles from your account.”
Camille: “Here’s hoping I have my favorite dream.”
Kirsten: “What’s that? You, Jon Snow and Beyoncé?”
Cameron: “Yeah, I learned Latin from the most arrogant, entitled asshat I’ve ever met.”
Linus: “Yeah, but how do we get the others to talk? The sharks?”
Camille: “We throw some blood in the water and watch them eat themselves.”
Episode 2x08 “Red Eye”:
Camille: “Fishy. Knife.”
Detective Fisher: “Don’t hurt yourself.”
Camille: “Oh. I’ll try not to.”
Episode 2x09 “The Guest”:
Ivy: “So this Cameron guy has a great head of hair and is completely clueless about women.”Kirsten: “He is also pretty endearing and kind of awesome when he’s not pissing me off.”
Ivy: “Is it safe to eat this?” (holds up cheese with sign that says “Do not eat under penalty of death”)
Kirsten: “Oh, yeah, that’s Camille’s. She’s my roommate. She’s trying to boundaries, which is funny cause I bought that cheese.”
Camille: “You know what you need right now?”
Linus: “Really?”
Camille: “Comfort food, numnuts! Come on, let’s go crush some chocolate in the break room.”
Nina: “It’s pretty clear you and Kirsten have something special. I get it. She’s amazing. I get it, but you know what? I am too. And I will not be second best. You need to make a choice. The girl in your mind or the girl standing in front of you.”
Episode 2x10 "All In"
Kirsten: “God, did I really use to sound like a robot?”
Cameron: “No.”
Camille: “You sounded like an angry robot.”
Cameron: “You’re right, I do have Nina, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have me. You have a flesh and blood family who loves you. Your friends. Don’t leave us behind.”
Kirsten: “Sooner or later everyone leaves everyone, but my mother never left me. I know that now. She was in my heart the whole time.“
Cameron: “Maybe your right. Maybe most people leave sooner or later, but you and I are not most people. No matter what you think, no matter how long it takes, I will never leave you.”
Kirsten: “What’s gotten into you?”
Camille: “Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc. And a burrito, but that doesn’t mean I’m not in top shape to be the Watson to your Sherlock or whatever, so hit me. What do you got?”
Kirsten: “I want to be with my mother. I want the childhood I never had.”
Cameron: “They say you can’t go home again.”
Kirsten: “I know, but I don’t even remember ever being home in the first place, ever. Except here, with you, here. Here feels like home.”
Linus’s dad: “Because Linus, if something should happen to me… Linus, I want you to stitch into my memories…”
Linus: “Baba –”
Linus’s dad: “So you could know how I’ve always been proud of you and how much I love you, Linus.”
Linus: “I don’t need to stitch to know that.”
Blair: “What do you imagine you can do to find out more? Kill me? A deputy chief of the NSA, how is that gonna work out for you? You have no power, Ms. Clark. You have no future beyond what I am willing to let you have, so you be very, very careful because I own you and I do not allow myself to be threatened by my possessions.”
Season 1
Episode 1x01 "A Stitch in Time"
Cameron: "Look, I don’t tell you how to be a emotionally vacant, relationship void young woman. You don’t tell me how to run my lab."
Maggie: "The agency has people who handle the field work. Unsocialized nerds and girls in catsuits need not apply."
Kirsten: "We’re a secret government agency that hacks into the brains of corpses and reads their memories."
Cameron: "You have no filter."
Linus: "Originally you were supposed to be completely naked, but there was some pushback."
Episode 1x02 “Friends in Low Places”
Detective Fisher: “I think you may be the Devil.”
Maggie: “I’m not. But I admire his closing rate.”
Cameron (to Kirsten): “Please don’t try to piss anyone off like you usually do.”
Maggie (to Detective Fisher): “I found out you're like a pit bull. Once you bite down on a case, your jaw locks and you don't let go. But while this may be admirable in a cop, it's a lousy trait in a husband.”
Episode 1x03 “Connection”
Kirsten: “Dead is dead no matter when it happens.”
Kirsten: “Is this what love is? Intense connection and then heartbreaking loss?”
Kirsten: “People spend their whole lives trying to find someone, to connect with someone and you destroyed that.”
Camille: “Okay. Just, like, trust me on this one. Relationships are very messy.”
Kirsten: “Yeah, and that doesn't mean you turn psycho.”
Camille: “You should meet my last boyfriend.”
Maggie: “I know that you don’t like me. It’s okay. You don’t need to. And you don’t trust me. But the things that we are doing have a noble purpose and anything with a noble purpose has risks. Now, I can’t tell you everything about the Stitchers program, but when we are done you will look back and know you were part of something very important. I can promise you that. What I can’t promise you is that no one else will get hurt.”
Linus: “I speak to a woman every night.”
Cameron: “Yeah, your mother.”
Camille: “Well, I guess let’s go back to my place and hook up …”
Linus: “Yes!”
Camille: “The stereo.”
Camille (to Linus): “Oh, and I don’t think you’re an idiot … You’re more of an imbecile.”
Linus: “We were hooking up the stereo.”
Camille: “We were totally hooking up … the stereo.”
Linus: “You are deceptively athletic for someone of your stature.”
Camille: “Tomorrow you will reflect on that comment and cringe.”
Episode 1x04 “I See You”
Cameron: “If you don’t hear from me in an hour, look for my head in his freezer.”
Camille: “You’re being so anal you’re giving colons a bad name.”
Linus: “We hooked up, followed by radio silence. I took it as a comment on my performance.”
Camille: “Oh, I didn’t realize you were waiting for a review.”
Camille: “You know, ‘needy lover’ never looks good on anyone.”
Episode 1x05 “The Stitcher in the Rye”
Cameron: “Why do people do that?”
Kirsten: “Do what?”
Cameron: “Ask if you're okay when they know you're not okay. You ever notice that? People ask if you're okay more often when you're not okay than when you are okay.”
Kirsten: “Speaking of personal boundaries, you wore my YFB shirt, didn't you?”
Camille: “Me? No. Why?”
Kirsten: “Because it smells like curry and you love curry and I hate curry.”
Camille: “Hey, can I borrow your shirt for a date I have last night?”
Camille: “Hey, Kirsten, can I borrow your sweatshirt for a booty call with Linus last night?”
Cameron: “How would you feel if one of us hacked into your stuff, huh?”
Kirsten: “My stuff is totally unhackable, so I'd be impressed.”
Episode 1x06 “Finally”
Camille: “In the history of bad ideas, this ranks just above the two dollar bill and Jeggings.”
Kirsten: "Can we bring this episode of Roommates Without Borders to an end now?"
Camille: “You lying minx! I can’t believe I almost cried for you.”
Kirsten: “Thank you.”
Cameron: “For what?”
Kirsten: “For not being a nobody.”
Episode 1x07 “The Root of All Evil”
Cameron: “Need anything else?”
Linus: “A girlfriend.”
Cameron: “What about Camille?”
Linus: “A reliable girlfriend. Someone who's not gonna get all flustered at the sight of Liam's abs.”
Linus: “Why don't you like Liam?”
Cameron: “Who said I don't like Liam?”
Linus: “You referred to him as something you do to a boil on a person's neck.”
Maggie: “But we can't find her killer until we identify her. Any questions?”
Camille: “I have one. Since when does Kirsten have a boyfriend?”
Cameron: “Boyfriend?”
Kirsten: “I think Maggie meant any relevant questions.”
Episode 1x08 “Fire in the Hole”
Cameron: “So this scar is a constant reminder of how fragile life is. And how fragile my parents thought I was.”
Kirsten: “Well, I think that you have proven them wrong several times over.
Camille: “No sense at all in committing to the one guy on the planet who loves ‘impossible you’ exactly as you are.”
Camille: “There are two things in the world that terrify me. Rats and hairy backs.”
Camille: “I hate being right all the time.”
Camille: “I'm ruining my T-shirt.”
Maggie: “The agency will get you another one.”
Camille: “Screw that, Maggie. I want hazard pay.”
Linus: “I just wanted to say that I love you both very much.”
Linus’s mom: “I knew something was wrong.”
Kirsten: “Besides, it’s my birthday and I can stitch if I want to.”
Episode 1x09 “Future Tense”
Solaris: “Do you ever get a bad vibe? Something that makes your hair stand on end?”
Cameron: “My hair's always like this.”
Linus: “What are you doing? Are you getting them to like you?”
Camille: “I kind of thought that was the point.”
Linus: “But they like you too much. How am I supposed to dump you?”
Linus: “You look like a librarian.”
Camille: “You said not to show too much skin.”
Linus: “I didn't say not to show any.”
Linus: “My parents need to believe that we're a happy couple. Which reminds me, you can touch my arm and smile from time to time, but don't do it too much. And do not bring up the fact that we've had sex.”
Camille: “That's the only part of this relationship that's actually happened.”
Cameron: “You're never gonna be sure. The future doesn't come with guarantees.”
Episode 1x10 “Full Stop”
Cameron: “You want to share a pasta? Okay, we don’t have to Lady and Tramp it, but come on. Live it up.”
Camille: “Look, I know he's Fisher-licious, but Liam's been gone less than a week. The body's still warm.”
Camille: “There's plenty of Fishers in the sea.”
Kirsten: “I wasn't born with temporal dysplasia. My father gave it to me by stitching me into my mother and it killed her.”
Cameron: “When will you learn to trust me? Like, really trust me?”
Camille: “So, the guy shows up late, at least ten years older than his picture, wearing a mesh tank top and flip-flops. He is carrying, I kid you not, his pet ferret Diego, who, by the way, is on Twitter and has more followers than me. And thus ended my first and last experience with online dating.”
Cameron: “Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't know Fisher saved me is all. That's kind of a thing.”
Kirsten: “Keep your hands off the controls, Camille. No backseat driving.”
Camille: “You should have been nicer to me.”
Episode 1x11 “When Darkness Falls”
Kirsten: “I told you. I don’t do scared.”
Camille: “You’re gonna be the life of my Halloween party.”
Kirsten: “At least you invited me this year.”
Camille: “I didn’t like you last year.”
Camille: “What do you have against corn?”
Cameron: “Corn on the cob? Nothing. Corn tortillas? Bring it. Popcorn, corn chowder, corn muffins, I’m all over that. But pretend corn trying to be corn? Pass.”
Camille: “Read the first ingredient.”
Cameron: “Corn syrup.”
Camille: “Thank you.”
Camille: “Holy crapenstein.”
Cameron: “A girl is missing. You can’t throw a party where her kidnapper lived.”
Camille: “Because?”
Cameron: “Because it’s wrong on every level.”
Camille: “I think there’s a gray area where it’s a wee bit right.”
Kirsten: “I didn’t sleep well last night. You snore.”
Cameron: “No, I don’t!”
Detective Fisher: “Are you guys…? You know what? TMI.”
Linus: “Did you guys know that the term ‘selfie’ was invented by an Australian?”
Camille: “And did you know that the term ‘who cares’ was invented to describe this conversation?”
Cameron: “Where is Kirsten already? I got her a Monster Mashtini. Seriously, who comes up with these names?”
Camille: “I did.”
